ON SALE – NOW
Volkswagen T3 Multivan – 1989
€ 10,000
The vehicle exudes arrogance and untamed ignorance: 2 tonnes of authentic German steel from the Ruhr, held together by kilometres of welding beads.
No electronics, control units, computerised assistance, servos, or any of those devilish contraptions that have turned a generation of drivers into soft, cowardly half-men. Here, even to turn the iron steering wheel, you must have put in years at the gym and have biceps that would make Lou Ferrigno jealous.
The engine is an Old Faithful, and when you accelerate, it wipes out entire ecosystems.
If you manage to start the engine (and you must be someone who never gives up), you will experience the thrill of being enveloped in an unbreathable white cloud – not even Satan himself smoking a half-metre Havana cigar can produce something like it.
To change gear, you must show no hesitation: if the gear lever (a 45 kg lump of iron) senses even the slightest doubt, or if you miss the gear by a few millimetres, it will jam in second gear, forcing you to travel 400 km at 25 km/h.
0 to 100 km/h in two weeks.
Fuel consumption and noise levels are comparable to those of a Boeing 767 during takeoff.
Above 80 km/h, you can only shout and hope the person next to you understands something.
Its grip on wet roads is like that of a bear.
Drunk.
Blindfolded.
Wearing roller skates.
My personal comment:
The Volkswagen T3 Multivan – not just a van, but a gym membership, a survival course, and an environmental hazard all rolled into one glorious hunk of steel!
Who needs power steering or modern luxuries when you can develop forearms that would make professional arm wrestlers weep? Forget electric cars and their silent motors – why save the planet when you can personally contribute to cloud formation every time you start the engine? It’s basically your own mobile volcano.
And the gear shift! Nothing says “manly” like wrestling a 45 kg lever that actively sabotages you if it senses weakness. It is not just driving; it is a psychological battle. If you manage to shift smoothly, congratulations – you have unlocked a new level of inner peace. If not, enjoy your slow, meditative journey at 25 km/h for the next 400 km.
Acceleration? Sure, it takes a couple of weeks to hit highway speeds, but isn’t life about the journey, not the destination? Plus, the noise – why pay for concert tickets when you can enjoy the sweet symphony of a jet engine right from the comfort of your driver’s seat?
And handling on wet roads? It’s like driving a drunk bear on roller skates – a thrill-seeker’s dream! Safety is for the weak, anyway.
Honestly, at €10,000, this is not just a vehicle; it is an experience, a rite of passage, and a statement to the world that says, “I fear nothing – not even logic or self-preservation.”